Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
