I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
