I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
