I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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