I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
