OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
