I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize