im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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