guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
