if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
