i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
