you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i believe in u and ur pee
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
