i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
