this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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