It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize