Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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