Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
