Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
