nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
