yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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