YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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