i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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