i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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