why didn't you poke me back
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
did i walk over a car last night?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
