we're chasing vodka with high fives
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize