Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
