I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
