i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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