yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
