New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
