I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
