drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
