Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Randomize
