you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
