sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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