I heard we made out
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
