the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
