i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
