I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
