I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
