Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
