can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
