we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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