I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
What drink are we having for lunch?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Randomize
