I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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