sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize