And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize