Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
