Porn is love you can see.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
