I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize