I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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