This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
