these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
