mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
