thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
