pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
