Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
