Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
