the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
