I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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