nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
