Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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