i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i now understand why vodka
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
