carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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