Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
did i walk over a car last night?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
