never play flip cup with pint glasses
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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