the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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