Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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