i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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