I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
