We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
