i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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