i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
