Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
