i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Your dad touched me again.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
